and come back with a rat between my teeth,
see me bite
and break the flesh
I drink
and it is lush and red
the night is lush and red
and I remember the hash in the bowl and the rubbing alcohol taste
and spinning in circles,
hands linked at the vertex
and snapping photos of youthful smiles
and stalking the promise of danger
somtimes,
it feels decent
to grow up in NYC
but do you know how many times a day I think
“I could be somewhere so much better,”
but instead I shrivel in my desk
and shrink
I am a walnut on a fake wooden table under fluorescent lighting (chosen not for looks, but cost, always cost, the cheaper the better regardless of loss)
and in my reflection, I sometimes glance weariness
like carved trenches where a war is waged
between desire and duty
oh, my eyes, they leak with tear gas and surrender
but I beg my bones to remember that
there is only one week left
three days like stepping stones to a place of rest
and I see summer sailing on the horizon and I
hail it down with desperate red and blue flags,
my blood and my badge glistening
I am a veteran solider with wounds like scripture up and down
my arms and I hope
the parading planes of victory see
see
see it
can’t you see it
oh say can you stick it where the sun don’t shine
because my education ain’t worth a fucking dime
(get it? because the entire thing is a corporate run shit farm)
but I have set my headlights
on better sights,
the fortune in the cookie
at the end of the cold, thick meal
and soon the air and water and sun will
all be teal and I will be brown like native people,
baked and burnt
toast,
my heart will soon unfold
like a lotus flower and there won’t be any need
for pretenses,
greed,
my melon skin will
shimmer
oh god i have so much sweet
sweet
sweat
and
hopes and dreams like cotton candy at coney island
1998 and 2009
and this year,
and none will stand the test of time
sand pulled through a sieve
Like it or not, fat people are at war. I’m not hyperbolizing or dramatizing. If you don’t believe me, Google “War on obesity”. Tonight HBO premiered its new documentary series “The Weight of a Nation”. On the premiere page it says “Obesity in America has reached a catastrophic level. Almost every aspect of our lives is threatened. The first step toward ending the damage is learning how to fight back.”
I spend a lot of my time politely asking people to please stop oppressing me. I don’t apologize for that, nor do I begrudge it – it’s proven to be a very effective way to create change and I think that people deserve to be given the benefit of the doubt and the support they need to shift their thinking, and it’s a reasonably pleasant form of activism. I will continue to do it.
But I also have to acknowledge that there is a war being waged against me because of how I look, by people who have been given every opportunity to know better. In concert with HBO’s documentary, I received a Tweet letting me know that Kaiser Permanente is launching the “most aggressive anti-obesity campaign in history.”
They know that there are healthy fat people and unhealthy thin people. They know that not a shred of research shows that any method of weight loss works in the long term. They know that research shows us that we could vastly increase health by providing access to healthy foods, safe movement options, and affordable/free evidence based health care. Nobody is obligated to be healthy or thin; however, I wonder how many people would make different choices if they knew they just need 30 minutes of moderate movement 5 days a week? If they knew that people who choose simple healthy habits have very similar health outcomes regardless of weight. What would people choose if they knew they could abandon the goal of weight loss completely and they could still pursue health. America could be a successful role model for giving people access to health, but instead they are choosing to be a failed role model for thinness - waging war on people based on their appearance for tremendous profit and actively blaming the casualties of the war for the war’s massive failures.
Let’s be clear - they are pathologizing a body size. It doesn’t matter if they say that we need to seek solutions environmentally instead of at the individual level, or if they say that we should have “compassion” for fat people – they are still telling people that is is not ok to exist in fat bodies and that they should see fat bodies as a threat to America. There are tons of thin people who eat unhealthy foods and are sedentary (which is completely their right), but as far as the government is concerned, as long as you are thin you’re part of the “solution,” feel free to do whatever you want. They want people to look at me (and you, if you’re fat) and think “She is part of a catastrophe. She is threatening almost every aspect of our lives. The first step toward ending the damage is learning how to fight back against her.”
I say that if they want a war, I will damn well give them one.
"(via thechocolatebrigade)
is a little slice of paradise.
breaking waves and sandy sandwiches,
sunscreen
tan oil
and books, warped by the ocean water
sunglasses and tangled salty curls
I think it is finally the hot season
(i mean, i even got sunburnt)
soon i think i’ll learn to read my own lips
and i’ll always slap first and even now,
it’s getting better,
i can say goodbye without feeling cries bubble over in my throat
because i am cradled by the sun
i can fall backwards and catch myself
we’ve gone out too far
don’t worry, just ride the waves back
don’t swim
just float
on
and i cultivate trust in my many islands
and i know you’ll spie
them through an eye glass
one red morning
out at
sea
what a weird day of a lot of nothing that somehow added up in the end to equal something.
sometimes, I can’t believe I am alive. “Me” is a foreign concept, like star dust - which ironically, is what I’m made of anyway.
huh




